Fuck Robots and the Self-Driving Horse They Rode in On

You can’t turn on a TV lately (shut up, Millennials, people still watch television) without seeing some shrill ‘expert’ panicking that robots are relegating the entire workforce to unemployment benefits. Ironically, a sizeable cottage industry of “expert” robot panickers has developed showing that even the thought of robotics can create more jobs.  

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Rise of the Robots

The rise of killer robots, more sensibly known as automation, has become topical in recent years. Governments are grappling with the prospect of serious numbers of job losses, and a correlating number of pissed off voters looking to punish the government that didn’t protect them.

Reports, such as the McKinsey Global Institute’s study of over 800 occupations in 46 countries that projected 800 million job losses, have sent mainstream media into an orgy of dramatisations on the impending downfall of humankind at the metallic hand of ruthless job-killing robots – each story accompanied by vision of the Terminator marching through a defeated world.  

At some point, though, people are going to notice that robots aren’t yet cleaning our houses. They’re not nursing the elderly or driving trucks. They’re not building houses, making porn or rescuing cats from trees.

People are doing these jobs now and will do for many years to come. The “imminent” future of the end of manual work is not imminent at all. It’s happening in slow motion.

Robots Don’t Eat Burgers

Media “experts” on killer robots often don’t pause to explain that although robots might soon be able to chauffeur you around or flip your burgers, they won’t do these things for love. Robots, you’ll remember from the media news, are cold-hearted, ruthless motherfuckers. They only do stuff that will make their faceless corporate bosses (presumably also robots, possibly in pinstripe suits) truck-loads of money. To make money, people have to buy shit. Someone has to buy the self-driving cars, pay for the TVs being delivered and purchase the burgers.

So, if robots have taken all the jobs and we’re all on unemployment benefits, who the fuck is buying all this shit?

Answer: no-one. Because, a) they don’t have any money, and b) people don’t spend money when they’re worried about the future. Thus, therefore and fucking ergo, run-away robotics can only run as far as the economy can support.

Robots Bringing Factories Back Home

Several other understated effects will moderate the worst of automation. Just as globalisation saw companies offshore their factories to countries where labour was cheap, robotics too reduces the cost of making stuff. In fact, it reduces costs so much that it starts to make sense to bring your factories back home again. Philips in the Netherlands and Adidas in Germany have “reshored” some of their factories. This creates jobs in Netherlands and Germany to manage, maintain, supply and support the factories.

It’s also worth noting that you can’t automate everything. Even in highly automatable sectors like manufacturing, there is such a thing as too much automation. Elon Musk recently learnt this lesson when he was forced to redesign his highly automated Tesla plant because excessive use of robotics had slowed down car production.

Upskill into Robot-Proof Jobs

All of this is not to say we should kick back and let it all sort itself out. Or worse, bury our heads in the sand – ask the car industry how that panned out.

We need to put our big boy and girl pants on and face reality. Some job sectors are heading for automation. The writing is on the wall: reskill or perish.

I don’t mean to brush lightly over this. It will be hard for some people. Older folks who have worked their whole life in one job will struggle to upskill. Folks in one-industry towns that have built their lives in that location will face terrible choices. It will not be fair to them. It will not be right. It will happen anyway.

But what about artificial intelligence? Isn’t that going to be the end of the world, MTG?

No! Well, actually, a little bit. But mostly No! Read on to see why I say Fuck AI too.